To Catch a Robber

THE RACCOONS FAN FICTION

TO CATCH A ROBBER

Written by Stephen Ricketts & Jacob Turner

NOTE: Part of this story is based on an episode of "Kenan and Kel".

The Raccoons © Skywriter Media & Entertainment Group
Michelle Raccoon © Michelleraccoon
Alicia, Melanie & Zoza © Alicia Martin
Alvin and the Chipmunks © Bagdasarian Productions & DiC Entertainment
The Railway Dragon © Lacewood Productions


THE EVERGREEN TRAIN STATION
NARRATOR: 'After several months on tour, the Chipmunks and the Chipettes are visiting the Evergreen Forest once again.'
Bert, Ralph, Melissa, Bentley, Lisa, Michelle and Penny were all at the station awaiting the next train.
LISA: 'Isn't this exciting?'
BERT: 'Yeah, I've been waiting to see Alvin again for ages.'
The train finally arrived at the station. Once the train stopped, the doors opened, and Alvin leaped out.
ALVIN: 'Hellooooooo Evergreen Forest!'
SIMON: (getting off the train, with Theodore behind him) 'Alvin, you've been planning that dramatic entrance for the last hour.'
ALVIN: 'Hey, when you're a superstar, you gotta go with what you know.'
The Chipettes stepped off the train.
BRITTANY: 'We're back in the Evergreen Forest.'
Bert and Lisa ran towards them.
BERT: 'Alvin.'
LISA: 'Brittany.'
The two Raccoons stopped in front of the Chipmunks.
BERT: 'Welcome back guys.'
LISA: 'Did you guys have a safe journey?'
ALVIN: 'We sure did.'
ELEANOR: 'We had a great time touring the world. We went to Japan, New Zealand, Australia, the United Kingdom…'
SIMON: 'Where Alvin and Brittany stereotyped the British with old cockney.'
ELEANOR: 'And we even met the Ferals in Australia.'
As they talked, the other raccoons walked towards them.
MICHELLE: (surprised) 'You met the Ferals?'
THEODORE: (nervously) 'Err, yeah.'
MICHELLE: 'Lead by a rat named Rattus P. Rattus?'
THEODORE: (still nervous) 'Yeah.'
MICHELLE: 'Okay, just checking.'
JEANETTE: 'We even met an Australian girl named Dot who can talk to the animals that aren't like us.'
PENNY: 'Really? Like Dr. Dolittle or something?'
SIMON: 'In a way, yes.'
BENTLEY: 'That's cool.'
MELISSA: 'We love to hear all the stories about your tour, when we have free time.'
BERT: 'Time! What time is it, Ralph?'
RALPH: 'It's five to ten.'
BERT: 'I gotta go. I've got a job at Mr. Willow's.'
Bert ran off.
LISA: 'Hey I though he had a part time job at the cafe?'
BENTLEY: 'Maybe he has two part time jobs.'
LISA: 'Sometimes I wonder if Bert is working hard just to impress me.'

MR. WILLOW'S STORE
Mr. Willow was putting up a WANTED poster up on the wall, behind the counter. The poster showed a picture of an ape with a long beard. And his name was seen below the picture, saying "John (the Sledgehammer) Bananas". Bert walked in.
BERT: 'Hey, Mr. Willow.'
Mr. Willow jumped as Bert talked, and quickly turned around, hyper-ventilating.
MR. WILLOW: 'Bert, please don't scare me like that?'
BERT: 'What's wrong, Mr. Willow? You scared of something?'
MR. WILLOW: 'I am. This Sledgehammer guy has gotten me all nervous.'
BERT: (looking at the WANTED poster) 'Sledgehammer?'
MR. WILLOW: 'The Sledgehammer is a dangerous criminal. He's already robbed three other grocery stores in the area.'
BERT: 'Well, what are we waiting for? We should call the police before he thinks about robbing this store.'
MR. WILLOW: 'I've tried, but the lines were busy.'
BERT: 'Even in an emergency? I guess we'd better settle this ourselves. How bad can he be?'
MR. WILLOW: 'Bert, can't you be serious?'
BERT: 'I am being serious. He doesn't scare me. I once faced an evil space dragon the size of Sneer Mansion, and lived to tell about it.'
MR. WILLOW: 'Like you're telling me now? Look Bert, please stop making stuff up, and go and collect the boxes from the back.'
BERT: 'Okay, Mr. Willow. But I wasn't making it up.'
Bert walked into the room behind the counter, and Mr. Willow started stacking tings on the shelf behind the counter. As Mr. Willow was busy, John "Sledgehammer" Bananas walked into the store.
SLEDGEHAMMER: 'A-hem.'
MR. WILLOW: (turning around) 'Good morning, what can I… (gasps at the Sledgehammer).'
SLEDGEHAMMER: (grabbing Mr. Willow by the neck) 'Gimme all your money!'
MR. WILLOW: 'The Sledgehammer!'
SLEDGEHAMMER: 'I said gimme your money, before I do something to you!'
MR. WILLOW: (giving in) 'Okay I'll do it.'
He opened the cash register, and took out the money and put it in a bag. Then he gave it to the robber.
SLEDGEHAMMER: (grabbing Mr. Willow by the neck again) 'Is there a back way outta here?'
MR. WILLOW: (pointing at the door) 'Over there.'
The Sledgehammer ran up to the door, only to get hit in the face, as Bert opened the door, from the other side, carrying some boxes. The robber fell unconscious on the floor.
MR. WILLOW: 'You got him!'
BERT: (placing the boxes on the counter) 'Hey, isn't that the Sledgehammer?'
MR. WILLOW: 'Yes. I think you knocked him out.'
BERT: 'I did that? I told you I'd take him out. We should call the police again, and tell them the good news.'

THE SNEER MANSION
Cyril Sneer and the Pigs were watching TV in the office.
LLOYD: 'Why are we watching this new "My Little Pony" series?'
CYRIL: 'Because Ingrid Bellamour provided the voice of one of the characters in this episode. You got a problem with that?'
PIGS: (scared) 'No problem, sir.'
CYRIL: 'Good.'
LLOYD: (quietly to the others) 'I knew there was a reason the boss wanted to see this cartoon series.'
FLOYD: 'What's wrong with that? (raising up his hands) I mean this is a cartoon series.'
CYRIL: (to Floyd) 'Did you just break the fourth wall?'
FLOYD: (confused) 'We didn't break any wall, sir. We'd have told you if we did.'
BOYD: 'Which of the walls is the fourth wall?'
CYRIL: 'Never mind. Now shut up! I can't hear Ingrid's character talk!'
The pigs moved their hands from the left of their mouths to the right, showing they are being quiet.
FLUTTERSHY: (on TV) 'You're going to LOVE ME!!!'
The Pigs laughed at what they heard.
CYRIL: (frustrated) 'Get out of my office before I make chops out of you!'
The Pigs ran out.
CYRIL: 'That wasn't even Ingrid's character.'

BLUE SPRUCE CAFE
The Chipmunks and the Chipettes were talking with their friends.
ALVIN: 'And that ends our world tour.'
SIMON: 'And to celebrate, we'd like to do another concert here in the forest.'
MELISSA: 'We'd love you to perform here again.'
RALPH: 'Many things have happened since you were last here.'
LISA: (noticing) 'Hmm, there's something different about you, Jeanette, but I can't quite put my finger on it.'
JEANETTE: 'Would you care to guess?'
LISA: 'Okay, um...new glasses?'
JEANETTE: 'Nope, that's not it.'
MICHELLE: 'Did you do something with your hair?'
JEANETTE: 'Nope, that's not it, either.'
LISA: 'New clothes?'
JEANETTE: 'You're getting close.'
Sophia then looked down at Jeanette's feet and noticed she was wearing laceless sneakers.
SOPHIA: 'I think I know what's different about you. It's your shoes!'
Jeanette kicked up her legs, showing off her new laceless sneakers.
JEANETTE: 'Right on the nose, Sophia. I got tired of always having to re-tie the laces on my old shoes, so my sisters helped me chose these new laceless sneakers so I wouldn't trip over my own feet as often as I used to.'
BRITTANY: 'Yup, it's true.'
ELEANOR: 'And there's been very little trouble with 'em too.'
PENNY: 'Well I think they look great, Jeanette.'
JEANETTE: 'Thanks, guys. And they're very comfortable too.'
SOPHIA: 'Just my Keds make my feet very comfortable.'
LISA: 'Same with my Converse, too.'
ALVIN: (to Simon) 'I don't recall Jeanette getting this much attention since she won that Miss Wonderful pageant.'
Simon punched Alvin slightly in the ribs.
SIMON: 'Quiet, Alvin.'
Bix walked into the cafe.
BIX: 'Hi guys.'
CEDRIC: 'Hi Bix.'
SCHAEFFER: 'How's things going for the trail bike trio?'
BIX: 'Better than ever before. I… (spots the Chipmunks and Chipettes) Huh?'
Alvin and Brittany gasped as they recognised him.
BRITTANY: 'You! You were with those criminals who tried to kill me!'
She pulled up her right sleeve with her left hand, getting ready to fight. But then Bentley and Penny grabbed Brittany and pulled her back.
BENTLEY: 'Wait. You don't understand. He just came out of prison.'
PENNY: 'He's changed now.'
SOPHIA: 'And he's been waiting to tell you something, Brittany.'
BIX: 'They're right, Brittany. I have done my time, and I really do have something to say to you.'
Bentley and Penny let go of Brittany, who stood still with her arms crossed.
BRITTANY: 'Well, go ahead and tell me. And it had better be good.'
BIX: 'Okay (clears throat). I am really sorry, Brittany, for what I had done to you. More like what those weasels tried to do to you. I had no idea they were gonna actually hurt you when they captured you. I... I hated every moment of it. I just wanted to get back at Mr. Sneer for sending me to prison. But what I witnessed that day opened my heart.'
BRITTANY: 'You… you're serious, aren't you?'
BIX: (nodding) 'Yes. I'm really sorry.'
Brittany started to tear up, and she ran up to Bix and hugged him.
BRITTANY: 'I forgive you.'
SCHAEFFER: 'So Bix, you were about to tell me something?'
BIX: 'Oh, year. There's gonna be a motocross race in the city, and we're gonna be going up against another trail bike group called the Horses of Heck. (To the camera) I'd use the real H word, but I can't. This is a family cartoon.'
RALPH: 'I heard about those guys. They act like jerks.'
CEDRIC: 'Yeah, they're even worse than you used to be.'
BIX: 'Which is why I've challenged them. And if we win, we will donate half the money to a charity.'
SIMON: 'That's great, Bix.'
JEANETTE: 'Good luck with that.'
BIX: 'Thanks. (Looks around) Hey, where's Bert?'

EVERGREEN POLICE STATION
Bert was at the station with Mr. Willow, talking with Officer Aardvark. John "The Sledgehammer" Bananas was in a jail cell in the office.
AARDVARK: 'I must congratulate you two on capturing the Sledgehammer. But I must ask. How did you do it?'
MR. WILLOW: 'I'll be happy to explain what happened.'

FLASHBACK SCENE: MR. WILLOW'S STORE
MR. WILLOW: (Voice Over) 'I was doing my usual work in the store, and then…'
The Sledgehammer stormed in.
SLEDGEHAMMER: 'All right! This is a robbery! (Grabs Mr. Willow by the neck) Gimme all your money!'
MR. WILLOW: (V.O.) 'I maintained my calm. I looked into his eyes and said…'
MR. WILLOW: (pushing Sledgehammer back) 'I don't think so. You picked the wrong store to rob this time.'
He leaped over the counter and did some karate moves.
SLEDGEHAMMER: (scared) 'Is there a back way outta here?'
MR. WILLOW: (pointing at the door, in a karate style) 'Yeah!'
The robber ran to the door, only to get knocked out as Bert walked in with the boxes. Then Mr. Willow walked up to the unconscious criminal, and placed his right foot on the criminal's chest, posing for victory. And he laughed at his victory too.
END OF FLASHBACK

PRESENT
MR. WILLOW: 'With my karate skills, and Bert's lucky timing, the Sledgehammer was caught.'
SLEDGEHAMMER: 'Liar!'
Mr. Willow jumped in shock as the Sledgehammer yelled.
SLEDGEHAMMER: 'You, Mr. Willow, are a coward!'
BERT: 'No offense, Mr. Willow, but he's right. Officer Aardvark, this is what really happened.'

FLASHBACK SCENE: MR WILLOW'S STORE
Bert was sorting out the boxes in the back.
BERT: (V.O.) 'I was sorting out the boxes, when all of a sudden, I sensed danger.'
BERT: 'I sense danger.'
BERT: (V.O.) 'So I figured I'd go to the front of the store and check it out.'
BERT: 'I'd better go to the front of the store and check it out.'
Bert walked into the main store, and spotted the Sledgehammer banging Mr. Willow's head on the counter.
BERT: 'Hey, Sledgehammer! Let Mr. Willow go and take on me!'
SHEDGEHAMMER: 'As you wish.'
Bert kicked a wall, and a jar of peanut butter fell off the shelf into his right hand. He squeezed the jar, sending the peanut butter into the air. Bert looked up and opened his mouth. The peanut butter landed in his mouth, and he swallowed up, and then his bicep muscles bulked up, Popeye style.
BERT: (talking like Popeye) 'Now to take you down, punk.'
Bert and the Sledgehammer charged towards each other, and Bert tackled the bad guy. Bert lifted him up into the air.
BERT: 'How about we go for a spin.'
Bert span the criminal around, and threw him across the room, rendering him unconscious.
BERT: (V.O.) 'And that's when my girlfriend rushed in.'
LISA: (running in from the entrance) 'My hero.'
She ran up to Bert and hugged him.
BERT: 'All in today's work.'
END OF FLASHBACK SCENE

BERT: 'And she said (does female voice) "Oh Bert. You're so brave and boyishly handsome. I could just…'
SLEDGEHAMMER: 'Hey, that didn't happen either, jerk!'
AARDVARK: 'Bert, is that all true?'
BERT: 'Well, except Lisa showing up, and the peanut butter, and the spinning. But I did clobber him.'
MR. WILLOW: 'Bert, maybe we let our imaginations get away with us. Officer Aardvark, the truth is Bert knocked him out as he was leaving through the backdoor. It was just lucky timing.'
AARDVARK: 'Well, good job. Well, Sledgehammer. It looks like you're going to prison.'
SLEDGEHAMMER: 'That does it! When I get outta here, I'm coming after the both of you!'
Bert and Mr. Willow both looked scared.
AARDVARK: 'Don't worry you guys. We'll be transporting him to the Evergreen Prison very soon.'

THE FOREST
Bentley and Penny brought the Chipmunks and the Chipettes into the forest.
ALVIN: 'Why did you bring us out here?'
PENNY: 'You'll see. Ready, Bentley?'
Bentley nodded. Then they both cleared their throats.
BENTLEY: 'Ah-hoo!'
PENNY: 'Ah-hoo!'
BENTLEY/ PENNY: 'Ah-hoo!'
The Chipmunks and the Chipettes all looked confused. There was a few seconds of silence, then the Evergreen Dragon peaks his head out from behind a tree, startling the Chipmunks and Chipettes a bit
PENNY: (giggles) 'There you are.'
BENTLEY: 'We were beginning to think you weren't coming.'
DRAGON: 'Wasn't coming? Did you not shout tidings to summon me?'
The Dragon walked around to the front of the tree.
SIMON: 'I must be seeing things.'
He took off his glasses and cleaned them. Then he put them back on again.
SIMON: 'It's real. A real dragon.'
JEANETTE: 'Well, stranger things have happened before, Simon.'
SIMON: 'You're right, Jeanette.'
ALVIN: 'Now this is cool.'
PENNY: 'Dragon, these are our friends we told you about.'
BENTLEY: 'This is Alvin, and his brothers, Simon and Theodore.'
ALVIN/SIMON/THEODORE: 'Hi.'
PENNY: 'And this is Brittany, and her sisters, Jeanette and Eleanor.'
BRITTANY/JEANETTE/ELEANOR: 'Hi.'
THEODORE: 'How did you meet him?'
PENNY: 'It's quite an interesting story. It all started when I found this old railway tunnel. Then I showed it to Bentley, and we both went exploring…'

THE SNEER MANSION
Cyril was talking on the phone in the office.
CYRIL: 'Hi Ingrid. I saw… heard you in My Little Pony today. You did an excellent job. The voice acting was just a one off thing? Did I ever tell you the time I was planning to finance a movie about the Prism of Zenda? I did? Well, if I were to finance another movie in the future, even if it's a movie about the environment, I'd love you to star in it. Great. And I found out those Chipmunks are having another concert this weekend. Wanna go there with me? Great. See you then.'
He hung up the phone.

SOMEWHERE IN THE SKY
The dragon was flying in the air, giving the two young raccoons, the Chipmunks and the Chipettes a ride.
ALVIN: 'Whee! This is amazing!'
BRITTANY: 'It's even better than a rollercoaster!'
BENTLEY: (looking down) 'Hey that's that Sledgehammer guy. Bert told me he was sent to prison.'
PENNY: 'Unbelievable.'
BRITTANY: 'He must've escaped.
ALVIN: 'Well, what're we waitin' for? Let's follow him.'
DRAGON: 'I'm way ahead of ye, lads and lassies.'

MR. WILLOW'S STORE
Bert and Mr. Willow were working behind the counter. They were serving Ralph and Melissa.
RALPH: 'Congratulations on your extra job, Bert. But why are doing so many jobs?'
BERT: 'I wish I could tell you. But I can't.'
MELISSA: 'Okay.
RALPH: 'See you back at the Raccoondominium.'
They left the store.
MR. WILLOW: (to Bert) 'Well, apart from the mishap we had earlier, I must say you did a good job. (Holds out a check) Here's a check for fifty dollars. You've earned it.'
BERT: (taking the check) 'Wow. Thanks, Mr. Willow.'
John "the Sledgehammer" Bananas stormed in, startling the two of them.
SLEDGEHAMMER: 'Hello, heroes. I told you I was gonna be back. (Grabs Bert by the neck collar, lifting him up) Gimme all your money, or this guy gets it!'
MR. WILLOW: 'Okay okay! Twice in one day.'
He emptied the cash register again, and put all the money in a bag. The criminal let go of Bert and snatched the bag of money, and escaped through the main entrance.

OUTSIDE
The Dragon was outside, and the Sledgehammer bumped into the Dragon's belly. He fell backwards on the ground, and he looked up, immediately becoming scared of what he saw. A big dragon, right in front of him. The Dragon growled, scaring the criminal. Then he looked to his left, then to his right, then he looked at the criminal.
DRAGON: 'Boo.'
The Sledgehammer screamed, dropped the bag of money, and ran for it. The Dragon chased after the robber, breathing fire as he chased the bad guy.
BENTLEY: (coming out of hiding with the others) 'Yeah get him, big guy!'
ALVIN/BRITTANY: 'Dragon, Dragon, he's a man. If he can't do it, no one can!'
CHIPMUNKS/CHIPETTES: 'Gooooo, Dragon!'

EVERGREEN POLICE STATION
Officer Aardvark was on the phone.
AARDVARK: 'He's still out there! Send a squad, pronto!'
The Sledgehammer ran in all scared and scorched.
SLEDGEHAMMER: 'Please put me in jail! I'll never try to get away again! Just PLEASE, keep that fire-breathing monster away from me!'
AARDVARK: (still talking on the phone) 'Cancel everything I just said. He came back all by himself.'
He hung up the phone.

THE FOREST BOWL
The Chipmunks and the Chipettes were performing "We're the Chipmunks" on stage.
The Raccoon gang enjoyed the concert. The Pigs were there with Alicia, Melanie and Zoza. Cedric and Sophia were together, and so were Bert and Lisa, Ralph and Melissa, George and Nicole, Cyril and Ingrid, Mr. Knox and Lady Baden-Baden, Bix, Wendo and Toof. Even the Dragon and some of his fellow dragons, along with Bentley and Penny were there as well.
SCHAEFFER: (to Bert) 'So Bert, I trust you'll be working at the cafe again next week?'
BERT: 'You bet, Schaeffer. I did a good job at Mr. Willow's this week.'
LISA: 'Wait a minute. You're doing a different job each week?'
BERT: 'Yeah.'
LISA: 'To raise a lot of money? Is Mr. Sneer dying?'
BERT: 'No, not this time.'
Lisa looked confused.
NARRATOR: 'The concert continued until midnight, and the Raccoons and their friends enjoyed it once again. This was the last concert, for the Chipmunks' world tour. Until the next time that is.'


THE END


In Loving Memory of Machael Magee: 1929-2011


MUSIC
ALVIN & THE CHIPMUNKS: We're the Chipmunks
LISA LOUGHEED: Run With Us


19.7.2011